Qualifying and Caddy Flogging

Dear Dr. Golf,

In April of this year our club was placed on the approved list of Eagle-Ho clubs and we inaugurated caddy flogging. I had grave doubts about this practice at first and I must confess I was fearful. It is now six months later and after following your books and manuscripts on the introduction and execution of caddy flogging we here at Sleepy Knoll, to the man, are delighted with the results. Our caddies thrive on this practice, and a new and deep respect for the members has replaced the old indifference of last year.

We were very fortunate in procuring Mr. H. Ashley through your services and we want to say he has truly done a remarkable job. I was very impressed in learning that Mr. Ashley got his background and training and handling bird dogs in the Florida Field Trials. Some of the men here believed his insistence on making the caddies “point” balls a trifle inhumane, but when Mr. H. Ashley had these same men question the caddies all doubt of inhumanity was removed. He maintains, and the caddies support his belief, that a caddy’s greatest joy is in “pointing” a ball in the classic position. Mr. H. Ashley has even introduced contests to make every caddy familiar with the classic “point” position. And how beautiful it is to watch two youthful caddies springing through the rough and quartering and requartering a field.

Dr. Golf, we have, however, run into one very sensitive problem. Unfortunately, our club is near a highway and motorists and pedestrians can see the caddy stocks Mr. H. Ashley built for flogging. We have had several complaints from the township and the church. Mr. H. Ashley insists that the flogging stations remain in full sight, but our local ministers and teachers are shouting that we must do away with the practice. We were wondering if you could advise us on this subject.

I remain,

RICHARD TROTHINGWELL

Dear Sir,

I am sending you along a copy of Dr. Golf’s “Caddies, the Care and Feeding Of.” You will please refer to Chapter 76 entitled “The Floggee-Flogger Relation.” This chapter will explain the master-caddy relation as well as the relation between your club and your township….

Mr. Trothingwell, there will always be enemies and narrow-minded people who do not approve of flogging. Why this is, I’m sure I’ll never know. But I must insist that as an Eagle-Ho qualified club you do not conceal this practice, that it be done in full view of your club, your wives, your town, indeed your church.

As ever,

Doctor Golf

Watusi Negroes

Dear Doctor Golf,

As a scholar of anthropology, I was rather amazed and puzzled about the reports I have been hearing that you are employing Watusi Negroes from Dahomey, Africa, as caddies at your Eagle-Ho course in Eagle-Ho, Arkansas. I would be most grateful for any information you would like to pass on to about these people. As you know I have written several extensive volumes on the history of the Watusi.

DR. H. FRONTIER

Harvard

Dear Dr. Frontier,

You are right, sir. We do employ Watusi Negroes as caddies at Eagle-Ho.

As ever,

Doctor Golf

Reading the Greens

Dear Doctor Golf,How much help should one reasonably expect from a caddy on reading greens?

ROBERT CONWAY

Rye, N. Y.

Dear Mr. Conway,

A good caddy – one who has been properly broken in, trained and, of course, well groomed – should give incalculable assistance on the greens. His duties not only require that he be able to advise his master on direction and amount of break but also the firmness or softness of imparting the club to the ball.

To evaluate and advise, a caddy should be, and at Eagle-Ho we deem it mandatory, knowledgeable in the following:

1. Type and grain of grass. This does not mean merely identifying but a thorough understanding of the biology (perhaps etiology would be a better

word), of the nature of the green. He should be able to forecast effects of wind, rain, excessive dryness, results of particular types of pollenization, etc., etc.

2. A caddy should carry a psychrometer with him at all times and be skillful in its use to determine amount of moisture in the air directly above the green. Moisture will of course vary from shadowy areas to sunny areas and here the caddy should take several readings, compute the average, and arrive at a mode. There is a simple calculus formula for integrating this which it is advisable for all caddies to know. In many cases a ball’s line will be through sun and shadow in varying amounts which obviously will slow and speed a ball in different increments. This rather tricky formulation is based on a rather complex ballistic integration. Once it is learned, however, the results are more than gratifying.

3. Two more lessons my International Caddy Corps utilizes with considerable success are detecting salinity in greens, and the simple but often overlooked physical law of gravitational pull. Salinity is too complex to discuss at this time and involves a rather complicated procedure. But a word on gravitational pull might be worthwhile here. A simple example of this would be the witnessing of water draining from a bath tub. In the northern hemisphere the water circles from left to right in the vortex. The converse of this is true in the southern hemisphere. Often this simple little axiom is overlooked and many have been the times that I’ve been aroused in the middle of the night by some frantic professional playing in Santiago or Johannesburg lamenting the sad state of his putting game. I need only remind him to reverse the line on all putts. The next day I usually find a lengthy cablegram of heartfelt thanks.

I had one particularly gifted lad at Eagle-Ho who when approaching a green would, without removing my bag from his shoulders, go down on his knees on the apron and smell the green. By virtue of this, this amazing chap could tell moisture, salinity, coarseness, effect of recent rain, wind, or fertilizer or excessive amounts of pollen. While this is an unusual case, I train all caddies at Eagle-Ho to become familiar with the taste of a green. A small portion properly chewed, with the background knowledge I have mentioned above, works wonders.

But all this is only an infinitesimal scratch on the surface of this most complex science. It is not enough for one to be able to merely “read” a green. One must in fact do more . . . one must “know” a green.

My books on reading greens are too numerous to list at this point. As a starter I would recommend the three volume “Reading Greens.” This set is leather-bound and boxed with forty six beautiful illustrations of this information in action. Complete set, $14.30 C.O.D., postage $2.40.

As ever,

Doctor Golf